The rules are blindly enforced, with those who do not toe the line, often being labelled as ‘soft,’ ‘gay’ or are scolded, “not to be a girl.” The unfortunate reality is that these behaviours are not inherent to boys they are not born this way. Those qualities seen as more feminine such as expressing emotions, crying or being vulnerable are typically discouraged. The Man Box culture dictates that boys are taught to be emotionally reserved, brave, stoic and competitive. This programming starts from a very early age. In our contemporary patriarchal western society, ‘real’ men are generally expected to be strong, fearless, courageous, dominating and reserved with emotions. Tony explains ‘the Man Box’ as a metaphorical container, into which society has put all our cultural beliefs of what it means to be an archetypal man. I first heard the term ‘the Man Box’ on a TED talk by Tony Porter called A Call to Men. It was nail painting time and wouldn’t it be great if Daddy painted his nails too?! I apprehensively looked at the utter thrill and excitement in her eyes and I instantly knew I was done for how could I say no to that?Īt this moment I became truly aware of my internal monologue “I’m a middle age guy, yes I’m a more liberal type of person but painting my nails?! I couldn’t possibly paint my nails, that’s women’s business!”Īfter this initial reaction, the voice slowly started to change and formed into a very clear inner inquiry “Why the hell can’t I paint my nails?” The Man Box In my case, it was my seven-year-old daughter pleading excitedly, bouncing around the room like Tigger out of Winnie The Pooh. “Please Daddy!!” the words that make most fathers crack.